Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
