He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
