You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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