Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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