If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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