I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
