If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
