I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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