The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
