i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
