Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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