Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
