worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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