dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
