if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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