so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
