dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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