just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
