Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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