You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
