Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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