She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
