So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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