Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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