I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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