You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
