he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
