The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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