So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
