I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
