He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
