STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
