Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
