i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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