I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
