shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
