I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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