I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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