took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
