Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's never too late to be topless.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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