Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
