If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is Oprah even human
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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