Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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