somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
