Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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