I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
