he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
