I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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