how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
