Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
