I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
