i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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