the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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