I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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