He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
