I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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