I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize