Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just cropdusted the office
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
