i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
