Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
