He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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