Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
