Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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