Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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