I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
