I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
