Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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