Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
