i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
