So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it glows. i had to have it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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